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Understanding Self-Harm in Teens: Signs, Causes, and How to Help

Writer's picture: Panorama PsychologyPanorama Psychology

Self-harm is a distressing but common issue that affects many teenagers. For parents, caregivers, and educators, it can be difficult to understand why a teen might engage in self-injurious behaviors and even harder to know how to support them. This blog will explore what self-harm is, why it happens, and how to help teens who are struggling.


What Is Self-Harm?


Self-harm, also known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), involves deliberately injuring oneself as a way to cope with emotional pain, distress, or overwhelming feelings. Common forms of self-harm include:


  • Cutting

  • Burning

  • Scratching

  • Hitting oneself

  • Pulling out hair


It is important to understand that self-harm is not typically an attempt to end one’s life. Instead, it is often a maladaptive coping mechanism for dealing with intense emotions. While it is certainly scary to hear about a teen's self-harm, clarifying that it is not "suicidal behavior" can help parents and caregivers be there for their teens. Teens who self-harm may not fully understand why they engage in this behavior, which can make identifying and addressing the root causes all the more essential.


Why Do Teens Engage in Self-Harm?


We all know that the teenage years are a time of big emotional and physical changes. For some teens, these changes, combined with other stressors, can feel overwhelming. The teenage years are when rates of issues like depression and anxiety dramatically increase. Common reasons teens may engage in self-harm include:


  1. Emotional Regulation: Teens may use self-harm as a way to release or distract themselves from intense feelings such as sadness, anger, or anxiety. The physical pain may serve as a temporary relief from emotional distress.


  2. Sense of Control: When life feels chaotic or out of control, self-harm can give a sense of order or relief. For some teens, it may feel like one of the few aspects of life they can control.


  3. Self-Punishment: Some teens may harm themselves because they feel guilt, shame, or a sense of inadequacy. Some teens tell us that they see self-harm as a way of punishing themselves for perceived failures.


  4. Communication: Self-harm can sometimes be a way of expressing big feelings they don’t know how to verbalize or a way to signal they need help. For these teens, self-injury can be a cry for help in the sense of wanting someone to notice their pain and comfort them.


  5. Peer Influence: Social environments, including online spaces, can normalize or glorify self-harm, leading some teens to try it. Platforms that depict self-harm as a coping mechanism can inadvertently encourage the behavior.


  6. Coping With Trauma: Teens who have experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect may turn to self-harm as a way to process or "manage" their feelings. It may provide a temporary escape from intrusive memories or flashbacks.


Signs of Self-Harm


Recognizing the signs of self-harm can help you provide timely support. Look out for:


  • Unexplained cuts, burns, or bruises, especially on arms, legs, or abdomen

  • Wearing long sleeves or pants even in warm weather

  • Frequent "accidents" or excuses for injuries

  • Bloodstains on clothing or bedding

  • Isolating from friends and family

  • Emotional signs like irritability, depression, or anxiety

  • Sudden withdrawal from activities they previously enjoyed


It is also important to observe changes in mood or behavior. Teens who self-harm may display increased secrecy, avoid social interactions, or experience rapid emotional shifts.


How to Help a Teen Who Self-Harms


If you suspect or know that a teen is self-harming, here are steps you can take:


  1. Stay Calm and Nonjudgmental: Reacting with anger or panic can push them away. Approach the topic with compassion and a willingness to listen. Remember that self-harm is often a symptom of underlying emotional pain, not a behavior intended to hurt others.


  2. Create a Safe Space: Let them know they can talk to you without fear of judgment or punishment. Say something like, "I’m here to listen and help, no matter what." Validate their feelings and start a conversation about it.


  3. Seek Professional Help: A mental health professional (like our teen therapists in Denver) can help your teen explore the underlying reasons for self-harm and develop healthier coping strategies. Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are often effective. Family therapy or parent-only support may also be beneficial to improve communication and address relational challenges.


  4. Teach Healthy Coping Skills: Encourage your teen to try alternative ways to cope, such as journaling, physical activity, deep breathing exercises, or creative outlets like art or music. Helping them build a toolkit of positive coping strategies can reduce their reliance on self-harm.


  5. Remove Immediate Dangers: If possible, safely store or remove items that could be used for self-harm, such as sharp objects, razors, or lighters. This can help reduce the impulse to self-injure.


  6. Stay Connected: Strengthen your relationship through regular check-ins, family activities, and open communication. Let them know you’re there for them, no matter what. Building trust is key to helping them feel supported.


  7. Educate Yourself: Learn more about self-harm and its triggers. Understanding what your teen is going through can help you approach the situation with empathy and informed guidance.


When to Seek Emergency Help


While self-harm itself is not typically a suicide attempt, teens who self-harm are at an increased risk for suicidal thoughts. Seek immediate help if:


  • They express a desire to die or show signs of suicidal intent.

  • Injuries require medical attention.

  • You feel overwhelmed or unsure about how to keep them safe.


In such cases, contact emergency services or a crisis hotline. It’s better to err on the side of caution when a teen’s safety is at stake.


Supporting Your Teen’s Recovery


Recovery from self-harm is a journey, and your support can make a significant difference. Celebrate small victories, like a willingness to talk about their feelings or try a new coping strategy. Be patient and remind them that they are not alone.


It’s also essential to address the factors contributing to self-harm. This may include resolving family conflicts, reducing academic pressure, addressing underlying mental health struggles, or encouraging positive peer relationships. A holistic approach to healing can pave the way for long-term resilience and emotional well-being.


Local Resources for Teens and Parents in Denver, Colorado



National Resources for Teens and Parents


If you or your teen need additional support, consider reaching out to these organizations:


  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call or text 988

  • Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

  • The Trevor Project (for LGBTQ+ youth): Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678

  • Self-Injury Outreach and Support: www.sioutreach.org


Breaking the Stigma Around Self-Harm


Open conversations about mental health and self-harm can help reduce stigma and encourage teens to seek help. By fostering a culture of acceptance and support, we can create an environment where young people feel safe to express their struggles and access the care they need.


By understanding and addressing self-harm, we can help teens navigate their challenges and develop healthier ways to cope with life’s difficulties. Remember, support, empathy, and professional guidance can pave the way for healing and hope.

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